If you are in a relationship that shows any of the following warning signs, you should get out before it escalates to something much worse. A loving relationship is never scary or dominated by one person. A partnership doesn't need a boss.
Of course, when you are in love, you might feel a slight pang of jealousy when you see your significant other talking to someone of the opposite sex. But it is completely unreasonable to expect someone to avoid all contact with members of the opposite sex. Relationships are built on trust, not control.
(2) Seclusion from family and friends:
The abuser will often try to place restrictions on the woman spending time with anyone other than him. He/she likes to keep her under his watchful eye to maintain total control. He aims to break down her support system because if she is totally dependent on him, it will be harder for her to leave. He doesn't want her to be influenced by family and friends who might try to convince her to leave. The abuser might try to brainwash the woman into believing that her friends are jealous of the love they share or that her family is trying to sabotage their relationship so they can control her.
(3) Accusations of infidelity:
It's one thing to have a serious discussion if you truly suspect cheating in a relationship. It's quite another to accuse your partner of having an affair, or attempting to, with the cashier at the grocery store, the pizza delivery guy, the mail-man, and every other male within a fifty mile radius. If you avoid small talk and eye contact with every man you see for fear of invoking rage in your guy, then you should kick him to the curb.
An abusive man tries to tell you where you can go, who you can talk to, how much you can spend, what you can wear, etc. If you are in this situation, remind yourself that you do not need another parent. Realize that you are your own person, capable of making your own decisions without supervision. You should never feel like you are a prisoner in your own home, or relationship. If you do, break free immediately.
(5) Criticizing or name calling:
If your man calls you names or puts you down, he is being disrespectful. If he tries act like you are stupid, it is meant to undermine your confidence. A confident woman will probably leave him so he has to make your self esteem disappear before you make sure he does. If he criticizes everything you do, realize that it is not an issue with your performance. You will never satisfy his list of demands. No matter what you do or how you do it, he will always find a problem. He does this to control. The problem is not with your behavior, it is with his.
(6) Extensive questioning of your actions:
If your man makes you feel like you are being subjected to a police interrogation, he should probably be locked up. If you return from the grocery store to a barrage of questions, such as who you talked to, whether you went anywhere else, or how much you spent; be wary. If he gets mad at your answers, questions your honesty, or tries to act like you have done something wrong when you clearly have not, do not dismiss this as acceptable behaviour.
(7) Double standards:
An abusive man will get mad if you talk to other guys, spend money, or go somewhere without his permission. But you can be sure he will not allow the same restrictions to be placed upon him. If you question his behaviour, he will get angry and accuse you of being unreasonable. He may even become violent, pretending that you are trying to control him. An abusive man will usually turn every one of his own wrong doings into an issue with the woman. Abusive men are master manipulators.
(8) Bullying/Threats:
Abusers will make many threats to get others to do what they want. It is often evident early in the relationship. The teenage boy who picks on classmates. The adult male who threatens the guy who cut him off in traffic. A man who bully's others will eventually turn the bullying toward you. They use fear and manipulation to get what they want. When you are the woman in their life, you will most certainly become the target of their anger and blame. Everything that goes wrong in their life will come flying back at you. They might threaten you with harm if you try to leave them, but please realize that you risk more harm by staying.
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